warning: post-period ranting ahead

ok this post is just going to be whiney and complainey and annoying... just some stuff i need to get off my already too big chest.. haha ok i'm kidding, its not that big.. and please dont ask whats my bra size you perv!!

ok first of all, i hate it that i look so chinky! and i HATE it when people mistake me for one and start speaking to me in chinese!! I DONT UNDERSTAND YOUR BLOODY LANGUAGE OK?!? ok fine maybe they're not to blame.. but its not like i have slitty eyes or anything (sorry, no offence, but its a stereotype you know, chinese pple have small eyes) its just getting on my nerves you know.. i mean why cant they speak english? is it that difficult? i was just looking at photos from my 2 month stint at motorola and was reminded how extremely unhappy i was working there.. thank god its over and i'm back to my normal predominantly english-speaking world and friends.. come to think of it, the fact that i look like a chink may have gotten me the job cos the woman probably didnt look at my name and they hired us on the spot anyway.. and later one of the girls there asked me "how come they hired you cos i thought they were only hiring chinese girls?" so that kinda confirmed my suspicions..

secondly, I HATE NS!! no i'm not doing national service but i hate it anyway!!! sigh.. maybe i should just accept taht this is how its going to be for the next 2 years.. i dont know if i can take it.. i mean we used to spend so much time together.. and then suddenly i didnt get to see him for 3 weeks.. then after that we only meet on weekends.. i miss him so much.. like during the holidays we would spend like almost everyday together.. we just did everything together, we talked about everything under the sun and he would listen to my nonsense and my weird ideas and he'd add to them too and we went to places we havent been to in ages like the zoo and botanic gardens and we ate out till we both got really sick of sushi and we walked and walked and walked the whole stretch of orchard to city hall haha and we'd both have our legs aching the next day and he'd rub minyak kapak (that's axe oil btw) on my tummy and back when i'm having really bad period cramps and we'd play games and i'll always lose cos i suck at computer games and i'll be pissed off (yea i'm a sore loser, whats it to you!?) and he'll let me win and i'll be even more pissed off (hahaha don't ask me.. i'm weird) and we'd cook food together at his house (haha ok if you count making instant mac n cheese cooking) and he notices stuff about me, my quirky habits, that i never really noticed before and i just wish i'd known him earlier.. well i did know he existed but i just didnt KNOW him you know what i mean? i didnt really start talking to him till much later.. sigh such a waste..

going to sleep..

ok i'm back a day later to continue complaining.. i feel like vomiting!!! arghh!! i dunno whats wrong with me!! i wake up in the morning and i feel like puking.. i eat stuff and i feel like puking.. i havent been eating properly, i mean i used to like graze throughout the day and like eat 6 meals a day or something, (6 SMALL meals, i'm not a glutton..) but now i'm eating like 2 or 3 meals a day.. whats wrong with me?! maybe i've just been feeling a bit upset and down and sad and depressed lately.. can a person become anorexic without thinking that she's really fat? could the cause of anorexia be depression? cos i dont think i'm fat, i just could lose flab on my tummy but thats about it! i dont wanna become a skinny stick insect! maybe i'm just sick.. maybe there's something wrong with me, and i should go see the doctor.. i thought it was diarrhoea cos last week when i ate stuff i kept going to the toilet and it was all watery and stuff and, ok you dont wanna know the details.. but now there's no more diarrhoea and i still feel like vomiting.. ok i just had to force myself to eat a slice of bread though my head and tummy feel woozy.. but i have to eat breakfast right? so its better than nothing.. bleah..

hmm i really need money.. i NEED to go shopping!! heh its an obsession! i have to buy stuff.. maybe thats why i'm feeling down, cos i havent been shopping, as in real shopping where you spend like a few hundred at a go, in ages!!!! arghhh!! and i realised, cos of my obsession with clothes and shoes, i've left out 3 VERY important things: bags, accessories and make-up! ok fine so make-up is not really necessary cos i look good all the time anyway haha but bags!! sigh..

should i go for chem engin camp? it would be kinda useful, but i'm too lazy to go and its tomorrow and they were still trying to recruit people to go yesterday so the turnout would probably be rather pathetic right? and i'm really not into this camping at sentosa stuff.. i don't know.. i guess if ama can go then i'll go la.. heh i'm so indecisive.. my mom is persuading me to go and she was telling me how she was really active in her uni days.. she was even part of the law fac float on rag day.. heh yea i'd never do that.. i think i'm just losing all my energy.. no zest for life anymore.. i'm so apathetic now, if i met a 10 year old version of myself, she'd slap me upside down..

you know this is really making me feel better.. heh do i always complain? i know i can be a bit of a complain queen, but somehow just typing it out like this to no one in particular makes me feel better.. cos no one's interrupting me and giving me much unneeded advice or consolation..

ok lets raise my self-confidence and ego a little.. be forewarned that i may sound a little too full of myself in the following paragraphs.. but really i'm not normally like that..
i'll name some stuff that i absolutely love about myself :)

1) my legs! haha yes now they are a slightly flabbier version of themselves in sec4, but they're still nice, at least i suppose they're nice cos people keep telling me they are.. and i'm like "why the hell are you looking at my legs you perv!!!" so yea i think i have great legs

2) my brain.. i like the way it thinks, ok i admit it can be rather slow in the mornings, but i love the way it has never failed to surprise me during major exams like the o and a levels.. i mean with the amount of effort i put in i should have failed bio o lvl and econs a lvl, but whee i got good grades! :) yea so i guess i'm really good at bullshitting..

3) my complexion: yes, i've been told so many times that its flawless and "really good!" so i like it that i dont need to put on powder or foundation or concealer or whatever.. hmm but come to think of it, its not that nice now cos my it has suffered at the expense of my inactive slobbish lifestyle.. i have 2 pimples on my cheek that wont go away..

4) my family and friends! ok this sounds cliched, but i am really glad that i have a wonderful family (ok i sound like a contestant on wheel of fortune) i love my parents and my sister and i guess i do love my brother deep down (REALLY deep down..) i mean we're really close and i could tell my sister anything.. and i'm really glad i've found yant,ilda and ama in jc.. yes i admit without them i wouldnt be such a bimbo, but they're just the best friends i could have i mean they dont dump me when they get boyfriends.. and i'm really glad for my bestest friend in the world: pinky. though she's really far away, she's still my really good friend.. and of course there's meida, ili, linda and heather, people i've bonded with through track and i feel really close to them.. maybe cos we've suffered together during trainings haha and last but not least, my jonathan, i'm really blessed to have him :) awwww.... so sweet..

5) my eyes: ok they may not be perfect, but i like them.. i like my eyelashes (maybe they could be a little longer), i like my double eyelid on my right eye and the triple eyelid on my left haha yea thats weird i know but its not really noticeable.. are my eyes expressive? well they're not expressionless and sometimes they give away my feelings haha like when i'm pissed off i can smile but my eyes dont..

6) my height! yea i know i've complained about it a lot!! but being 1.7m really isnt so bad.. i mean so what if i tower over my friends and feel like a giant, i still enjoy their company and it doesnt matter wat.. and being tall means long legs which look nice in skirts! :) haha and furthermore, (sheesh, this sounds like a gp essay.. furthermore??) it narrows down my options for guys cos i wont date anyone who's shorter than me hahaha which is like more than half the guys in singapore.. and if all else fails i can be anorexic and become a model :) imagine getting money for looking pretty..

ok i could go on, but at the expense of your well-being.. i dont want you to vomit all over the keyboard or anything.. hmm ok so now that i come to think of it, i really do have stuff that i should be happy about.. yea i may not be drop dead gorgeous or have an ultra-flat tummy, but its ok you know, i still have gorgeous legs! hahaha ok i'm kidding, its more than that.. i have great people in my life, i have a sane mind, i'm healthy, i'm not living in poverty, i really should be thankful! and i am..

and i realised that the stuff i wish i had, they're just mere physical or material things that i really wouldnt care about when i'm old and dying.. i wish i had nicer teeth, a more toned body, and lots of money, but these things are just really unimportant in the big picture.. i mean is having nice teeth going to matter on your deathbed? if i had to choose, i'd rather have my loved ones with me than my teeth..

ok i have nothing more to complain about :) well except that i miss him.. sigh :/