Do you know where you're going to?

I was just talking to ama today and I realised I don't feel a day over 16... I still feel like a kid. I'm like ageing on the outside, but my mind's left behind in the yesteryears... Ok, maybe I'm a little more matured now, but not much la. Sigh... Going to me 19 in hmm.. I don't know, a little over a week I'm too lazy to count down. No reason to look forward to birthdays anymore. They just remind you that you're growing even older. :/ If only I could be 18 all my life. Anyway, after last year's less-than-perfect birthday, I'm not expecting this year to be any better. Well, at least I won't have a paper on my birthday :) Listening to Mariah Carey's greatest hits now. Used to like her, until she turned into a slut. Most of them are like that now. The bigger their breasts, the more albums they'll sell. Haha I remember singing hero in primary school :) sigh... I feel so old now... Heh I remember feeling so happy I got into choir that I jumped (more like hurdled) over that board near my kitchen door so I could tell mommy but I tripped and fell. And my toe nail got torn off my skin and broke into half and my mom was so freaked out cos there was so much blood. Haha... That was painful... And funny, in a way... In a morbid way... Heh ok I'm sick... How can I think that's funny? Anyway...
You know what? I might be becoming anorexic or something. I really cannot eat at all. I mean I have a bowl of cereal in the morning and then fast the whole day, then eat like some tiny morsels of food at buka time, then I'm full. There's something seriously wrong with my tummy.
Hmm.. Come to think of it, the only time I've been eating properly is when I'm having dinner with him. Sigh... And you say I don't love you anymore... I know I've been distant since you came back... But that doesn't mean that I don't miss you. And it doesn't mean I love you any less. I would really like it if you gave me some space though. And please be more understanding, I don't know if I'm asking too much of you as it is, but well, I suppose I'm high maintenance. Heh you should know that by now... Actually maybe I'm taking you for granted. I want you to be there when I need you but I'm not always there for you. Is it true? It makes me sound like such a bad person. I'm not... I think... You know what? I have no idea why I'm typing all this out for the whole world to see.
Anyway, hopefully typing in long paragraphs will deter people from reading my posts haha. Why I'd want that? Beats me... I'm supposed to be studying now, but I'm so mentally drained. I think it's the lack of food. I wish I had more time! Ok, I always wish I have more time. Somehow I've always managed to scrape through exams with acceptable grades, but this time I'm not so sure... The funny thing is my friend said that's exactly what I told him when I started JC... Haha I thought I wouldn't be able to make it through A levels... Heh somehow I always exaggerate my situation huh. But this time it might be for real. I really don't understand my work and I don't know if i have time to understand. And I'm just so tired! ALL THE TIME!!! So so tired.. Sigh... Ok, I'm starting to sound like those bloggers I detest so much. Ok, folks, really wish I could go on rambling incoherently, but math is waiting on my bed... Heh, and don't you have something else better to do too? ;) Hmm, blogs are a little perverted. Don't you feel like a stalker when you're reading one?