I'm not happy. That much I know. But I don't know where the root of my problem lies.
I don't do things to make myself happy. But doing said things would involve a lot of sacrifices and a lot of money. I could learn to be happy doing what I'm doing. But that would be forcing it and happiness just doesn't work that way, does it?
A few days ago, Jonathan told me that my sadness was contagious. That's not good. I don't want it to affect the people around me, cos God knows that sadness is something we need none of at home. And the last thing I wanna do is to make him sad too.
Is it just too much change and I can't adapt? It's been so long now, why can't I get used to it? It just makes me so very sad to see her suffering and weak and fragile and thin. And so ANGRY at the same time. But you know, why brood over it? It's not going to make a difference. Just deal with it. I keep telling myself that but I can't move on if I see it every day. And healing is SUCH a slow process.
Some days I feel ok. Some days I actually feel quite good. But some days, I just make a u-turn and feel so damn low.
Maybe it's the hormones? Damn them hormones.
Today's just one of those days...
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Cat lover. Armchair traveller.
1 comment:
maybe i'm not in a position of authority to tell u what to do... but try to be happy... nothing beats living in the present, and being thankful for all the good things that we have. kick sadness out the door, because sadness drives away partners. well mine almost did :p
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